


For your sake

by Skullka



Series: The most important thing [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Paralysis, Permanent Injury, Relationship Problems, Wheelchairs, i have actually no idea how to tag this sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:58:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2337710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullka/pseuds/Skullka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm just getting in your way. I know this is selfish. But, hey... a man can be selfish sometimes, right?"</p><p>Kageyama and Hinata successfully overcame the unfortunate accident, went to college and started living together. Everything has been going relatively well... until they started to realize things about their relationship they have never noticed before.</p><p>"If it's you, then I don't mind throwing everything else away.<br/>And so, for your sake, I will do even things that hurt myself."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our reality

**Author's Note:**

> (I don't like calling these college fics AUs because it's not really an AU? They just grew up, that's all. But whatever.)
> 
> HELLO FRIENDS I AM BACK
> 
> Aaaaand I'm back with sequel for No regrets. To be honest, I wasn't actually planning on writing anything more for this, but I've got few comments telling me I should and then someone drew a fanart of this fic and when a friend told me "Wow, you're popular, maybe you should write more," I was like OKAY LET'S DO IT.  
> So, here it is.  
> This probably won't go as smoothly as No regrets because that was a short fic and I mostly knew where I was going with it, but this is probably going to be longer and I'm not really sure about the plot itself, so I will probably take a while to update, but I will try my best.  
> Anyway, I've been talking a while now, so I'll shut my mouth and let you enjoy the fic itself! Have fun! C:

_We did it. We won._

_The nationals… we won them._

_Finally._

I hear cheering around me. I know the whole team is excited; I am as well, of course. But I don’t go to celebrate with them. And they know that. I look at them, because I know I should. I smile and gesture a lame thumb up. They smile back, and Yamaguchi waves at me as his lips form a silent “Go.”

I nod. I turn and look up to the audience. And I see him. He’s looking at me, his eyes shining with sparks and smiling widely. That usual vibe of happiness he has with him is overflowing now. He’s crumbling something that used to be a transparent with Karasuno’s name in his hands.

_Dumbass, did you forget how much time it took you?_

But I can’t really be mad at him. Not now.

I start walking quickly, before someone can stop me, before anyone wants to talk to me. Because there’s no time for that now. There’s something that needs to be done first. There’s something _I_ need to do first.

“Where’s the captain going?” I hear one of the first years, Kashima, panic slightly. “Right now, he can’t just-“

“You really have no idea? You really don’t know your senpais well enough just yet, do you?” a second year, Onizuka, laughs. “Just look. No need to stop him. This is important for him… for both of them. Let him be.”

I hear Yamaguchi laugh and Tsukishima sigh.

I feel an uneasy feeling starting to spread from my chest. I shook it off as I ran up the stairs.

_I’m not thinking about that now._

I run straight to Shouyou and he looks a bit surprised to see me do so. But he just smiles even brighter.

“You did it, Tobio, you re-“

But I shut his mouth by pressing my lips against his.

His expression the moment I did it was hilarious. He wasn’t expecting it, not even a little bit. I smirk in my head.

When we separate, Shouyou’s breathing heavily.

“What-“

But I shut him once more as I pick him up from his wheelchair before adjusting him in my arms bridal-style.

“It’s not _you_ ,” I correct him, “it’s _we_. We did it.”

His eyes widen in shock before he squeaks. “T-that doesn’t mean you should do this! Tobio, put me down, now!”

“Don’t wanna,” I mumble and grin. “You deserve to be down there with the rest of us.”

His cheeks turn red. I walk down the stairs back to the court as I smile. The rest of the team smiles too, without saying anything. All the spectators and rival team went silent, though.

“You’re gonna get into so much trouble for this,” Shouyou whispers.

“Don’t care,” I reply simply.

“This is so embarrassing,” he mumbles and covers his face with his hands. “Bakageyama!”

“It’s been long since you called me this.”

“Shut up.”

But, for some reason, at that moment, I just can’t stop smiling.

 

“I’m late I’m late I’m late!”

I’ve been running around our apartment for past five minutes trying to find the goddamned second sock. It was nowhere to be found and my first class started in fifteen minutes. There was no chance I could make it in time.

I tried to ignore the smell of fire coming from the kitchen, because I knew too well that it was late to save the toast itself.

“Something’s burning,” Shouyou stated with sleepy voice from bedroom. I frowned.

“It’s just a toast, I don’t care. Also, maybe you could help me instead of mocking me.”

“How exactly am I supposed to help you?”

“By shutting your mouth for example.”

“You’re the one who woke me up in this unholy hour.”

“Well, my classes don’t start at ten like _someone’s_.”

“Is that my fault?”

“Just shut up, idiot.”

Shouyou giggled. “Sorry, sorry.”

Finally, I found the sock behind the wash machine. I was ready to leave.

I thought about telling Shouyou to take care of the burned piece of whatever which was once called bread, but I changed my mind. I went to the kitchen once more and threw the black square to the trash can before taking my bag.

“I’m leaving!” I shouted from the hallway as I was putting my shoes on.

“Have a safe trip!”

I gazed to the bedroom and gave last look to the messy orange hair, which was the only thing visible between the blankets. I had to smile. And, as always, a bitter sensation started to spread from my chest.

I closed the door and took a deep breath. I shook off the thoughts once again, because I was on my way to the real world, and there, luckily, wasn’t any place for them.

 

Since that day Shouyou came back to school during our first year in high school, I have never talked about it.

He said that he didn’t regret it. And I trusted him. I also knew that he wasn’t going to change his mind once he decided on it; he wasn’t one to do that. And I can’t say I wasn’t happy, because I was. Because it made _him_ happier. And I wanted Shouyou to be happy.

So that’s why I never talked about this thing since. I knew he would feel bad… for me? For him? I didn’t know, but I was sure he would feel bad about it. So I kept my mouth shut.

But, actually, my feelings didn’t change ever since that time.

_“It doesn’t matter if you regret it or not… because I do. It doesn’t make any difference if you hate me or not… because I hate myself enough.”_

Yeah, I still thought that.

I knew already that Shouyou doesn’t blame me. I wasn’t really sure if I understood his feelings, but I tried to. After all, he was right: I would probably do the same for him. Actually, I was _sure_ I would do that for him, because I wished countless times to rewind the time and somehow take the damage on myself. Because I thought I could live much happier life if I was in his place. But, that was impossible. No matter how much I yearned for that, it was something that couldn’t be undone. And since I was never put in a situation like him, I knew I couldn’t really say that I would do it for him, though I really thought it.

It didn’t matter, anyway; I couldn’t do anything about it.

_So I just went with it._

I knew I couldn’t let Shouyou know. And I didn’t. But no matter these almost three years that passed, I still felt that way.

I still felt so bad for him.

When I looked at him, I remembered it. Every squeak that tires of his wheelchair made reminded me of it. At that moment, there was this familiar feeling in my chest: harsh, bitter and uneasy.

I think I didn’t accept it after all.

I tried to ignore it. For my own sake. For Shouyou. I choked it down everytime.

It wasn’t like I thought about it _all the time_. But I don’t think I could actually count it anymore. I just became used to it. I didn’t really make a fuss about it: it just became part of my personality. A part of my life. Regret always started spreading from inside my chest, and I shook it off. As simple as that. Easy. I managed. I was actually proud of myself. I was able to concentrate on other things. I trained myself to focus on something else immediately when I started to have these thoughts. Shouyou’s smile. Upcoming match. Everything worked.

I really tried. I knew Shouyou wouldn’t want me to feel like this. And it wasn’t like I wanted to feel this way either. But no matter how hard I tried, it was useless.

So, despite all my effort, I already knew that I was never going to be completely okay. And so was Shouyou. Of course, he got so much better as the time passed, because he was trying so hard, but I knew that it’s not that great. I could see behind both his lies and fake smiles. But I tried not to point that out, because I knew that he was trying so hard. So, because of that, I tried my best as well.

But, in the end… I think I have never stopped blaming myself, after all.

 

“Thanks for good work, Kageyama-kun!”

I put my jacket on and nodded towards Tsukuda-san, my boss. “Thanks as well. Then, I’ll be leaving.”

“Sure. Bye!”

“Bye.”

I walked through automatic door and breathed the fresh air. It was already dark outside. No wonder, it was nine pm.

Nine pm and I was just on my way home. I hated Tuesdays for this. I had classes from eight to one am, then volleyball practice until four and then I was working in a small grocery store near school. It wasn’t the most enjoyable thing in the world, but I had no other choice. We decided to rent a flat, and we had to pay for it somehow. Well, it’s not like we had much of choice there anyway. We wanted to live together, and because of Shouyou, everything had to be barrier free. We had a hard time finding some suitable apartment itself already, and dorm was out of the question as well. And it wasn’t cheap. So I had to find a job, and the only one I managed was this. Shouyou tried to help by trying to find some too, but of course, he failed miserably.

Not that I would force him to find one or anything. I was perfectly okay with bearing these things myself. He didn’t need to go that far. But, still, I can’t say I wasn’t annoyed when it was already this late and I just got on the bus heading home.

But that was a thing. _It was heading home. It was heading to Shouyou._

So I put earphones in my ears and looked out the window.

_Crap, I forgot to buy that washing powder after all._

I sighed and closed my eyes as I sank into the seat and let my thoughts flow wherever they wanted to.

 

“I’m home,” I announced and closed the door.

“Welcome back!” Shouyou shouted.

I sniffed. The apartment smelled weird. Almost as someone has burned something in there. But there was no chance it could be that toast from the morning…

_Oh._

“What’s with this smell?” I asked as I took my shoes off.

“What are you talking about?”

_Shouyou was a really, really bad liar._

I sighed and went to the living room. Shouyou was lying on the sofa reading some textbook. His face was red. I raised my eyebrows as I walked into the kitchenette. I looked around and stopped at the sink, in which was our new pan, completely covered in some black mass. It had signs that someone tried to clean it, but to be honest; it didn’t look like a fixable thing anymore.

“You were cooking,” I stated. There was a long silence before he answered me.

“Sorry.”

“Why do you still try even if you know it always ends up like this?” I sighed and headed to the bathroom.

“Well, since you had a hard day, I thought I might try being useful for once.”

I stopped midway and gulped.

“You don’t have to,” I whispered. “I am okay like this.”

“But I think you’re trying too hard.”

I looked away and ignored the last sentence. “You might have hurt yourself,” I mumbled.

“Tobio,” Shouyou interrupted me firmly. “We’ve talked about this already.”

“Yeah, I know. Sorry.”

_Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it._

Shouyou just sighed.

“Well since you idiot have burned it in the end, I have to make something anyway,” I announced and continued in my way.

“Oh, and, before you ask,” he shouted at me before I entered the bathroom, “Yes, I bought the washing powder.”

I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or cry.

_Just don’t think about it, idiot._

And I did a pretty good job not thinking about it, because when I was later lying in bed with Shouyou in my arms, I thought how nothing else really mattered than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo that's it. Yep. For now, of course. There will be more. I hope I will be able to write more. I've actually had some issues with my writing lately along with a block because I just feel like it sucks. orz  
> Buuuut anyway, I hoped you liked the first chapter and sorry if it was confusing with the first paragraph being actually still from high school but that was just something I have thought about since the last chapter of No regrets and I just had to put it there.  
> See you next time, then! (Probably with Hinata's pov again.)


	2. Flightless crow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am jus holding Tobio back."  
> That was something I have started to think not that long ago.
> 
> Hinata's pov on the life and relationship with Kageyama over these three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI FRIEEEEEEEEENDS.  
> Did you miss me?!  
> Wow, I'm actually amazed by the fact how fast my writing was. Two weeks? Oh man. Anyway, this chapter is like 2,5 times longer than the previous one and than expected. Whoops, haha.  
> It will probably be angsty as well this time. I am sorry. I tried to make it fluffy as well. I swear. I tried.  
> So for now, I will stop talking and let you read it finally. Enjoy!! C:

_I am just holding Tobio back._

That is something I have started to think about not that long ago.

I think it was because we went to the college already, actually. You know, even though it sucked, nothing really changed _that_ much about my life since the time I lost my legs.

I still went to the same school and lived something that pretty much resembled my life before accident. I only had to replace my bike with a bus and didn’t go to the volleyball practice. Well, that’s not true: I _was_ still going there, only not that often, and never to play.

But, besides that, everything remained the same. That’s why I’ve never thought about it before. Because, honestly, how many responsibilities do you have in high school? How many problems which aren’t school work you have to deal with?

But then, college came. Maybe you could call it “adulthood” or something.

That was the time Tobio made his first sacrifice.

He had been scouted by a university famous for its strong and amazing volleyball team. It was the same that Asahi-san went to. No wonder, after what Karasuno has shown at nationals in our third year.

But he turned them down. _Because of me._

I have already decided which college I will attend by that time. I didn’t have many choices anyway. I needed something barrier-free with some reasonable commuting distance, with keeping in mind that I had to pass the entrance exams.

Unfortunately, Tobio’s university was just too far away from mine.

We thought about finding an apartment somewhere in the middle, but the distance was still too long for both of us.

I told him to go to the dorm, since you don’t get chance like this everyday.

But he refused, saying that he didn’t want to be that far away from me.

As a result, we managed to find a flat in the town I was about to study in, while Tobio went to the university in the neighborhood town. It wasn’t really known or anything so they welcomed him with their arms opened.

That was the first time he prioritized myself before him. The second time was the fact that he decided for us to _rent a flat._ And, you know, again, it couldn’t be just _any_ flat. We managed to find only one, and it wasn’t really cheap. Of course, we still had some kind of pocket money support from our families, but this was just too much. So, we had to earn the money somehow.

And of course, the one who did that was Tobio.

I desperately wanted to find a job myself, but no matter how many times I tried, it was useless. No one wanted to hire a cripple. I got it; I didn’t even know what job I could do in the first place. But I wanted to try. I wanted to help. But I failed. And so, Tobio found one instead, and that was the second time he sacrificed himself. He already had it hard enough with schoolwork and volleyball practice, yet he had to stand behind the cash desk three times a week, only so we could afford to live like that because of my disability.

It didn’t actually mind _that much_ until he started to skip school and practice to work overtime. But when I said something, he just shut me with “These bills aren’t going to pay for themselves, idiot.”

It never was that often to begin with, but still… _I was so mad at myself._

He gave up so many things because of me. It was almost like he decided to just spend his life taking care about me without even thinking about himself.

_And that was the last thing I wanted._

 

I actually had these thoughts a lot, but I tried not to let it show. It wasn’t like I liked thinking about it. But still, usually when I was alone, they just crawled into my mind as whispering _“Why do you even try.”_

Like now, for example.

I was waiting on the railway station on Monday, browsing some websites on my phone. Tobio went to training camp with his volleyball team over the weekend because they had some important match coming. He was really reluctant to do so; saying that he didn’t want to leave me for that long. And though I wasn’t sure if it was true, I still could hear what he actually meant by it: _“I don’t want you to be home alone for so long because I am afraid that you couldn’t manage it by yourself.”._

But I convinced him to go in the end. As long as he did, I didn’t actually care about the rest. Still, I couldn’t say I was happy for him to go; I already missed him the next morning after he left.

So yeah, I was pretty excited to see him now.

I checked the time. _He should’ve been here already_ , I thought nervously as I bit my lip.

At that very moment, I heard a familiar voice. “Shouyou!”

I looked in that direction and saw Tobio running to me.

“Tobio!” I put my phone into my pocket and wheeled towards him. When we met, he put his bag on the floor and bended over to hug me, and then gave me a quick kiss.

“I’m so glad to be back,” he said. “I really missed looking at your stupid face.”

“Oh, come on, I’m pretty sure you had fun!” I pinched his leg. “Certainly more fun than I had there.”

“We’ll see about that,” he smirked.

I laughed. “Aren’t you hungry?” I asked then.

“Well-“

“Doesn’t matter, because I am. Let’s go eat somewhere.”

“Shouyou, you are _always_ hungry.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“What do you think?”

“Whatever, just get walking already.”

“Yeah, I’m hungry myself anyway.”

He took his bag from the floor. “There’s this restaurant we went to before we left to the camp, want to go there?” he asked.

“Sure, why not.”

Before we got going, I saw Tobio reaching his hand towards handles on my wheelchair, but quickly pulling it back. He knew I didn’t like being pushed by anyone.

“It’s here,” he said after a while and pointed to the door in front of us.                  

Unfortunately, there were stairs leading to them. Not that many to make it inaccessible for me, but too many to manage them on my own.

I bit my lip. _There goes my independency._

Tobio automatically took the handles, tilted the wheelchair and pushed me up without a word. Usually I would probably at least say something about it if not object, but there were too many people around I didn’t want to make a fuss. I have also seen lots of pretty girls looking at Tobio and giggling. I wondered what they thought when they saw him come to me. Probably something like “Such a cool guy with a cripple like that, poor boy, what a shame.”.

 _But I guess girls like guys who care, huh?_ I thought. So it was okay after all.

When we came inside, the restaurant was almost empty. Tobio chose one of the tables. I pushed the chair away so I could wheel under the table and he sat opposite me.

The waitress hurried to us with the menus and once she left, I put my elbows on the table and supported my chin with my hand.

“So, how’ve you been these past three days? Anything interesting happened?” I asked.

Tobio frowned as he tried to remember. “Actually, yeah.”

“So hurry up and tell me, I’m dying to know.”

“Okay, so, did I tell you about Sugiyama-san, our libero?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, he’s even shorter than Noya-san.”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Of course. He… he’s actually almost as short as you when you’re sitting in wheelchair.”

“Wait, is he _that_ short?!”

“Yeah, I think he’s hundred fifty four.”

“Holy shit, that’s short!”

“I know right, and he’s a third year already. Could you believe that?”

 “We should tell Noya-san next time we’re with him. He’ll be so excited to hear that!”

“Yeah, I’m sure he will! Anyway, when we were at the train station on Friday, the one who was in charge of buying the tickets was Tsuchida. I told you about him, didn’t I?”

“That’s the one who’s like blond version of Onizuka?”

“Yeah, that one. Well, and of course, he decided to pull out some prank as the idiot he is. So he decided to buy Sugiyama-san a children ticket.”

“Oh my god.”

“And the funniest thing is that he actually got away with it. When the conductor came to check, he just looked at him, nodded and left. Sugiyama-san didn’t have any idea that his ticket was the children one, and didn’t understand why we started laughing so hard, because he and the captain were the only ones who didn’t know about it. When we told him, he really was angry, and captain delivered the final blow with saying “Well, isn’t that great? Like this, we can save on your tickets!” Man, he was really pissed off! He kept reminding us that for the rest of the weekend.”

I couldn’t reply to that story because I burst out laughing. Tobio started laughing as well. Meanwhile, the waitress came back with our drinks, so we forced ourselves to stop. But when she left, we started giggling once again.

“That’s just ridiculous,” I said and took a sip.

“It is. But you will see Sugiyama-san yourself once you come see the first match. He really does look like a child,” Tobio replied and took his can as well.

“Right. I’ll be looking forward to that.”

“And what about you? Didn’t you have basketball practice as well? You’re having an important match too, aren’t you?” he asked and looked me into eyes.

“Yeah. We had a special practice on Saturday, but no training camp in sight just yet,” I shrugged.

“Just yet?” he raised his eyebrow, his face showing more worry than surprise.

“Captain did say something about us having one. But there’s still time for something like this.”

Tobio nodded before frowning as his lips formed into a smirk. “So you’re going to leave me here all alone.”

“Said someone who came back after three days like ten minutes ago,” I snickered back.

“And I’m sure you missed me like hell. And stop smirking, idiot,” he leaned over the table and flicked my nose.

“Ouch! Of course, of course. I’ve really missed all this bullshit of yours,” I laughed and pushed him away.

“I bet you did. I missed yours too.” He sat back, obviously satisfied with his actions.

“If you continue like this, I’m either going to send you back or go somewhere myself,” I stated, trying to sound cool, but the corners of my mouth were twitching.

“Alright, sorry sorry,” he sighed and then smiled. “Well, do you have anything you would like to tell me?”

“Like about basketball?” I asked and took another sip.

“About anything, but yeah, for example,” he said with expression one would think was completely uninterested, but well, it was Tobio. I knew him well.

“I’m sorry to disappoint you, but nothing interesting has happened since the last time I told you. Tell me about volleyball instead,” I encouraged him and watched his expression change from nonchalant to smiling once again.

“I see. Well, if that’s the case, want to hear more about what an idiot Tsuchida is?” He leaned over, tilting his head and supporting his cheek with his palm.

“You bet I do!” I exulted.

“Alright. So, when we arrived to the camp…”

 

When my physical and mental state after the injury improved enough that I could have start to think about sports again, of course the first thing that came to my mind was volleyball. Any volleyball, really; I didn’t care. I just wanted to stand on the court again, not even minding the “standing” part. So when I found out that sitting volleyball was a thing, I signed up without hesitating. That was in my second year in high school.

I don’t really know what I was expecting from it. Maybe I hoped it will make me feel better? But that didn’t quite happen.

No matter how hard I tried, something always seemed off. Even more off than I had expected.

And I _tried_. I tried so hard. I desperately wanted to enjoy it. But it just didn’t feel right. And it wasn’t just because the thing I enjoyed the most about volleyball was always jumping to spike all of the tosses. I knew that it just couldn’t be the same. But it was better than nothing, right? I mean, it still _was_ volleyball. I still could do the sport I loved. So I didn’t say a word. I practiced and told myself that this was the right thing.

My teammates were all really nice and helped me a lot, but that actually was the first hint why it all seemed so weird; they weren’t Karasuno.

It wasn’t just about playing volleyball anymore; I missed playing with _them_.

I thought that maybe, just maybe, I would get used to it and everything would suddenly be okay. So I didn’t really make a fuss about it.

But these feelings only grew stronger, so I decided to confide them to the captain, Kenji.

He was twenty at that time, and had both his legs amputated below his knees because of a car crash as well, so it wasn’t really that different from me. Since the time I joined, we have always gotten along pretty well. I felt like he was the right person – the _only_ person I could confide to. I didn’t want to bother Kageyama with it. I knew he would try to understand, but I wasn’t sure if he was even able to. I also knew that no matter how much time has passed, he still felt guilty. And I didn’t want to make it worse.

So, one day, after practice, when everyone else has left, I told him.

He gave me a warmhearted smile. It reminded me of Suga-san. _And there were these feeling again._

“I thought that you didn’t seem really well lately. So this has been bothering you?”

I nodded and looked away. He was so kind… I felt like I was betraying him in a way.

“You’ve been playing volleyball before, right?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“I see. You know, I think I understand you,” he said while looking away and supported his chin with his hand, as if he was remembering something. “I actually have similar past.”

I blinked. “You do?”

Kenji looked back at me and smiled. “Yeah.” Then his smile faded a bit. “Before the accident, I was playing basketball. It was towards the end of my second year of high school. Of course, the first thing that I thought about was that I wanted to play again. So I started wheelchair basket… but it didn’t feel quite right, you know? Something just seemed off. Who knows, maybe I would cope with it better if my specialty wasn’t dunking,” he laughed.

I bit my lip. “I was always too short for volleyball, so to even that out I had my jumping ability,” I whispered.

“It hurts, right?” Kenji said. “You thought that it would make you feel better if you could continue with the thing you loved… but it only made the differences stand out. The fact that it will never be the same again. It just brings back memories instead… especially of old teammates, huh?” His voice was quiet and calming.

“…there was this setter,” I mumbled, “he was really special… and spiking his tosses felt amazing. I think that’s the thing I miss the most.” I looked to the ground. It hurt talking about it.

“It was something that was supposed to make you forgot, but it only made you remember.”

It wasn’t a question, but I still nodded. Kenji placed his hand on my shoulder.

“You don’t have to force yourself,” he said. “If it doesn’t make you feel better, yet makes you feel worse, then don’t do it. It’s hard enough; I understand. I tried to overcome it and forced myself for more than a year until I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. That’s when I found out about sitting volleyball. I decided to try it… and even though it wasn’t the basketball I loved, it felt much better. It was something new I could focus on and not think about what I’ve lost.”

He smiled even brighter. “So, why don’t you try it as well?” His eyes sparked the next moment. “You know what? I can introduce you to my former wheelchair basket team, if you want.”

I had to smile back. “Yeah. That would be nice.” I actually felt my eyelids filling with tears. I tried to blink, but it didn’t help. I wiped them off, and of course, Kenji noticed.

“Oh, and, please, don’t feel guilty about it. For us… it’s different than with regular sports. There’s no use in continuing if it only makes you depressed.”

“You-you’re right. I’m sorry,” I muttered.

He smirked. “What did I just say? Don’t be.” Then, he gave me the kindest, biggest smile and offered me his hand.

“Thank you for playing with our team, Hinata.”

I wiped the rest of the tears off my face, smiled at him and shook it. “Thank you as well, captain.”

 

I was been lying in my bed, covering my eyes with my arm. I didn’t go to school because of rehab. It actually was a shitty day. Something I desperately wanted to forget has happened and I just felt horrible. I didn’t feel like doing anything besides lying in my bed and staring into nowhere while I tried to make my mind completely blank.

Then someone knocked on my door.

“Yeah, come in,” I said. The door opened and the one who walked in was Kageyama.

“Hi Hinata,” he tried to smile, even though he still failed while doing so.

“Hey Kageyama,” I forced smile on my face as well and sat up. He sat on the end of my bed and frowned.

“You look kinda down.”

 _More than usually?_ I thought bitterly, but kept my mouth shut.

“What happened?” he asked softly.

I turned away my face. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I mumbled. It was embarrassing to even think about it.

_But, this is going to be it from now on, huh? This is going to be my whole life, and I have no other chance than to accept it._

But this was Kageyama. I didn’t have to dissemble when it was him.

“It… it just… everything just fucking sucks,” I whispered, but my voice broke. Tears started to flow down my cheeks. I couldn’t hold it anymore. I started sobbing and buried my face in my hands.

I felt arms being wrapped around me. I looked up and saw Kageyama sitting next to me, resting his head on my shoulder and hugging me tightly.

“It’s alright,” he whispered. “It will be alright, Hinata. I promise everything will be alright.”

I wanted to say something, but I burst into tears instead.

I held onto Kageyama while I was sobbing hysterically and he was stroking my head, lying about how everything’s going to be fine, even though both of us knew that it was everything but true.

 

Past these three years, I cried myself to sleep so many times I have already lost count of it. Most of these times, Tobio was with me. He was hugging me tightly, stroking my hair, and lying. Lying how everything was going to be alright. How everything would be okay. I didn’t believe him, and I doubt that he believed himself either. But for some reason, it always helped.  
First year was certainly the worst. I tried my best, but sometimes I really felt like I should just give up. Maybe end it all. But I knew and couldn’t do that to others who still cared for me. To my parents. To Natsu. To Tobio. And he was the one who kept reminding me that.

Not that long after the accident, something around two months after I was released from the rehab center, it has already been common knowledge that we got together. It caused a bit of uproar to be honest. We even came out to our parents in the end. We weren’t really sure if we should, but we agreed that it would be better for them to hear from us then from someone else.

First, we decided to tell mine. I remember that day clearly. We were standing in the living room, holding hands and looking at the floor. It was complete silence. The atmosphere was heavy. I couldn’t force myself to look up.

Natsu was the one who saved the situation; claiming “Well, wasn’t that obvious? I mean, nii-chan likes Kage-chan very much, you know!”

I can’t really say it went smoothly, but it turned out okay in the end. They just needed a few days to somehow absorb that information. But once they did, they became extremely supportive and never said a word about it again. I was grateful.

With Tobio’s parents, it was harder. We told them one day at the dinner.

It didn’t go well.

His father actually said a few unpleasant words. His mother started crying and ran away.

In the end, we left, and Tobio spent that night in my house. When we were waiting on the bus stop, I was pretty sure I saw him wiping tears off his face.

He then told me that his mother didn’t talk to him until it was necessary, and his father completely ignored him for three days. But they came and apologized after all. Since then it has been okay as well.

I suppose that the thing that helped a lot was my injury. Of course, they felt sorry for me, so I guess they didn’t want to be mad at me or something. I usually despised pity, but in this case, it was for good.

From that time, Tobio started to visit me more and more at home.

It started when I was absent from school because of rehabilitation or some doctor’s appointment. His face usually turned red as he looked away and muttered “I just wanted to see if you were alright, dumbass.”

Gradually, his visits became more and more common. He even started to drop by over weekends, and accompanying me from school while he usually stayed over as well.

He knew everything. At first, I was trying to hide my feelings even from him, as I did with everyone. _I need to seem brave,_ I told myself. And even though I told him that I didn’t regret the fact that I ended up like this for him, I knew Tobio too well to realize that it just wasn’t enough for him to stop feeling guilty. But the more time we spent together, the more I realized how ridiculous that was. So in the end, I opened up to him. I remember the first night that happened as well. I talked for an hour and then I started crying. Until that point, Tobio didn’t say a word. It was a bit unsettling, and I actually started to doubt if it was a good idea after all. But when I was done, he just hugged me, so tightly I could hardly breathe.

“K-Kageyama?” I stuttered.

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Hinata,” he whispered. “But I swear, from now on, everything will get better. Everything will be alright. I will personally take care of it. I promise. So,” he pulled away and wiped the tears off my face, “you can cry all you want. I will be always here to help. Just, please, once it’s over, show me your beautiful sunshine-like smile again.”

I was speechless. “T-thank you,” I managed to stutter before I burst into tears again. Tobio was silent until I calmed down. Then, he wiped the tears from my face. “I love you, Shouyou,” he whispered.

I had to smile. “I love you too, Tobio.”

 

Waking up spontaneously and not because of the sound of alarm clock was a pleasant incident promising that the rest of the day would go as smoothly as that. I blinked a few times to accustom my eyes to the sunlight coming through the shutters. I looked at Tobio; he was laying on his side, facing away from me, but his regular breathing indicated that he was still sound asleep. I reached my hand to the nightstand and took my phone. I looked at the screen to check the time; eight twelve. Too early. I had no intention of getting up, so I turned to my side, facing away from Tobio as well and closed my eyes again.

I was glad that this time it wasn’t pain that woke me up. It was kind of twisted logic that though both my legs were completely numb, sometimes I felt horrible pain in them.

It was like sunburn to which you were bitten by bugs. It was a weird sensation, like feeling the inside of your skin but not the outside. But the worst thing was that it was so intense that I usually spent these days in bed, because every attempt to move in any way just made it worse.

I got the medication to help me with it, but it still was really unpleasant and annoying as hell.

But yeah, today was not that day. Good for me, I guess.

_It really is too early. Maybe I could try to go back to sleep._

At that moment, a pair of arms wrapped around my torso from behind.

“Good morning, idiot,” Tobio mumbled, still half-asleep.

I opened my eyes. “How did you know that I was awake?” I asked mockingly.

“I didn’t,” he replied simply.

“So you just decided to wake me up anyway?”

“Yeah.”

I laughed slightly. “How nice of you.”

“I’m always this nice.”

“Sure you are.”

I turned on my back to see Tobio’s smirking face.

“What?” I pouted.

“Nothing,” he said but didn’t stop smirking.

I put my hand on his face and pushed him away.

“It’s too early for this, moron.”

“Too early for what?” He tried to seem offended.

“For whatever’s on your mind.”

He let out a quiet laugh as he took my hand from his face.

“Are you sure about that?” He leaned over me. Before I could answer, he pressed his lips against mine and started kissing me.

Well, okay, for this, it wasn’t too early.

He stopped and shed both of our blankets to the floor. He then straddled me and leaned even closer, kissing me again. I put my hands on his head and ran my fingers through his hair. Our tongues entwined and I felt his skin rub against mine. He withdrew after a while, panting, as his hot breath reached my face. He then smirked.

“Not yet,” I whispered and pulled his face back to mine. Tobio didn’t object as he continued to kiss me passionately, before withdrawing again and moving his lips to my neck. I felt his teeth gently biting into my skin.

“Oh come on,” I snickered, “what have I told you about all these hickeys?”

“Shut up, I don’t care.”

I sighed feignedly and just gave myself in to both Tobio and the pleasure his actions were causing.

But by the time he was already on my stomach, the phone started ringing.

It wasn’t mine; I would never put something as stupid as that song as a ringtone.

Tobio scowled, but decided to ignore it. But the ringing didn’t stop.

“Maybe you should answer it,” I said. He sighed and crawled back on his side of the bed, picking the phone from the nightstand. “Hello?”

I was watching him as he spoke. He was frowning, not really an unusual sight, but then his expression changed to a shocked one.

“Oh, that… Are you alright? Okay. Of course. I understand. No, don’t worry about it. Sure, I can do that. Take care of yourself. Bye.”

He put the phone back on the nightstand and sighed.

“Who was it?”

“Tsukuda-san. He injured his knee, so he asked me to watch over the store for him.”

“And you’re going?”

“Of course. I’m not leaving him in a lurch.” He stood up and opened the closet.

I frowned. “But you have practice today… and classes as well, don’t you?”

“The money I will get from working overtime will help us a lot,” he said without looking at me, completely ignoring my question.

_There it was again._

Tobio then quickly disappeared to the bathroom. I sighed. The truth was, I couldn’t really argue about this. He was right. We needed the money. But still… this was just wrong.

And I knew that it was because of me. That it was my fault.

When he came back to the bedroom, he didn’t say anything. I watched him get dressed as I resisted the urge to tell him something. At that time I really regretted the fact that I couldn’t walk, because if I could, I would just jump out of the bed and… I don’t know. Pushed him back on it. Slapped him. Just tried to stop him in general. But I was helpless like this.

When he was ready, he came to my side of the bed and leaned to kiss me.

“Sorry,” he said then.

I shook my head. “It’s alright,” I lied.

“Bye. See you later.”

“Yeah, see you.”

The door closed with a loud click and I groaned as I buried my face in the pillow.

This really sucked.

I felt extremely guilty. Tobio… he deserved so much better than this.

 _Why is he with me, anyway?_ I thought as I tucked myself in the blanket. _If it continues like this, he will really throw away his future, his dreams. Because of me. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be a bother. How… how can it even go on like this?_

_After all, he’s the King of the Court, while I’m just a fallen, flightless crow._

I sighed and closed my eyes firmly, but it wasn’t enough to stop the tears from rolling down my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY ABOUT THE MAKEOUT SCENE OK. I suck when it gets to these things I will try to get better I swear. *sobs*  
> Uuuum anyway, I hope it didn't hurt that much and that you enjoyed it! Please don't expect next chapter this soon because school and that one scene I have to write and have no idea how hahahaha.  
> I will write Kageyama's side next time as well. To be honest, I just like writing him better. Maybe I find his character more interesting to deal with, even though I always liked Hinata better.  
> Anyway, I will be looking forward to seeing you next time! Until then! C:


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